Pencil Sketch - Krishna

A close to heart pencil sketch!!

Krishna - the one obsession I had since my childhood. I remember how I used to keep talking silently n smiling at the Krishna idol in our home every time. 

Until I was caught once and asked "Whom are you smiling at every now and then?", I had not realized it was so evident!!! 

I was a little girl back then... But when I look at you, I still feel am the same... the same little girl .. madly fond of you!!!

When Vedu was inside me, had wanted to do something special for you...as an offering! And I started sketching the Krishna picture that my mom had gifted to me... Had completed more than 90% before Vedu came to this world. But the swirl I got into after that, did not leave much time to complete the art until this lock down!!!

Am so happy to see you in fully finished form finally!! Hope you all liked it too!

School time Paintings - Crane in Watercolor

The discovery of my tenth standard art book during my last visit home, was indeed a heartening one!
Probably after 10th, we did not have art class in school curriculum.. that the frequency of spending time drawing and painting became less frequent and dependent on my mood.

But whenever I did re-connect to explore and experiment, those are remembered as moments when I did go deeper into myself...and enjoyed the positive bliss of it thoroughly!

Painted on: 28 July, 1997

Pencil Sketching: Finding Solace in Valleys

Peeping into my blog after a loooong break.

When free time to spend on hobbies become a luxury, any chance to grab that time without guilt is a blessing...In a way, the Covid-19 lock down is also one in disguise...!

The panic it has created.. the fear it has rolled out even in tender minds...needs to be first won over!

With my little one, one way that did help to channelize her positive energy was making her try out different pencil shading tricks...Am no expert, but was trying to learn few shading techniques from a book that was bought at least 10 years ago...

This picture mainly has the hatching, cross hatching and little bit of smudging techniques applied. 

The experience of immersing myself in finishing this sketch was indeed a satisfying one!!

Also look forward for few of my old school time sketches and paintings I recently unearthed from home. 

Stay positive and get in touch with the missing self!!!

Pencil Sketch of Mountain Landscape

Your Sail Through Life!

You are set out in a long trail,
With gathered strength and a steady sail!

Don't be fooled by the smooth waves,
For it could anytime beat against, in its own strange ways!

What is gliding your direction today,
The wise and unwavering wind -
Could even topple you one day,
When it tuns into a storm, in a blink!

Rest your shoulders on yourself,
For there could not be anyone to comfort and share.
Look deep within, than waiting for anyone to care!

Hold on to yourself - all bits and pieces,
That remains scattered but intact.
Do not let the darkness seize,
The little light that shines in heart!

Written on - July 19, 2019

The Healing Rain

How did you know?
That my mind was deeply sinking.
Heavy as a mountain -
Thanks to timeless hours of unconscious thinking!

How did you know?
That each breath was becoming a labor,
Questioning the meaning of my very own existence.
Craving for a safe harbor!

How did you know?
That I yearned to shout my pain out
Just as how the thunder is showing me,
Without inhibitions - just drain it out!

How did you know?
That I was struggling with my suppressed tears.
That you showered by - and showed me,
How easy it is to let it go!

You are not any ordinary rain!
You are a blessing, that came my way.
A very timely one, borne out of my pain!

Hours of distractions, hours of conversations,
Nothing could do the magic -
That you did - in just few moments!

Just as you clear the dust off this earth.
You cleared a big block from deep inside.
Am lighter, am brighter,

Feels so good to be back with a smile and no trace if pain,
Thank you, my Healing Rain!

Written on - June 5, 2019

The Journey Has Begun!

What took shape, in the depths of your mind,
What felt right, deep in your heart,
Life won't be kind,
Be ready to get hurt,
Towards the deepest core of yourself,
The journey has begun!

From a time, when you never felt as existed,
From a tide of insignificance that always swept,
You've made yourself evicted,
Not letting life deceit,
And with a heart full of courage,
The journey has begun!

Written on - May 27, 2019

Seek Within You!

Seek within you,
The power to tread on!

Seek within you,
The sensibility to choose the right path!

Seek within you,
The curiosity to find your true self!

Seek within you,
The patience to bear the long wait!

Seek within you,
The grit to push yourself hard!

Seek within you,
The composure to greet the negators!

Seek within you,
The strength to conquer your fears!


Written on May 3, 2019

First Fun with Oil Pastels!

Am in love with Oil Pastels, coz of the perfection in its blending effects. This is my very first attempt with the pastels. Biggest fun was working with Vedu who was excitedly helping me mainly in blending with her lil fingers.

Thanks to the video tutorial, we had great fun in creating this serene n colorful scenery.

Puthu Vellai Mazhai

Onam Celebration at our apartments were super fun in 2016. Right from morning, all ladies were engrossed in Pookkalam making, Sadya, and our evening performance of Thiruvathira kali...

After Thiruvathirakkali, when I was asked to try out a Karaoke singing; I was not too confident how it would turn out to be. Out of available list of Karaokes, only 1 song I knew fully as well...That's how I ended up in trying out "Puthu Vellai Mazai", the evergreen ARR composition.

Sharing the same here, as the first upload in "Music is my Life" page.

The full version could not be uploaded due to size limitation. Once I sort it out, will add it here.Till then, enjoy this one!!

Experiment with Colors!

After a gap of many years, when got a chance to take my brush to do a painting; my main intent was to have fun with colors and relive the school time painting memories...

However, I found myself totally obsessed with it soon, and the final outcome is the one below:

Extremely pleased with my experiment with colors; happiness was doubled, when this painting bagged a third in the contest as well...a motivation to take the brush more often! :)

Wish, It was True!

It was just another ordinary working day, when I was stuck to my chair, with no other thought than the critical programming running inside my head. At least, that’s what I thought until that afternoon when I stepped out for a bit of fresh air.

It would have been easy for me to ignore the girl who was coming opposite to me in the stairs, considering the state of my mind - pre-occupied with the programming intricacies. However, the depth of sorrow infused in her eyes were so piercing that it just struck me hard and her hurried steps made me feel that she was rushing to avoid any eye contact from anyone.

Her name was Geetha and she sits in an adjacent cubicle of mine. The occasional interactions I have had so far with her, always had left me with an impression of her being a simple, quiet and naïve sort of person.

As I quickly finished my tea and hurried back, I kept wondering, “what disturbing thought might she be battling with”. As I was reaching near my seat, I peeped to check if she was back in her cubicle already and I could see her talking in phone quite animatedly, with tears rolling down her eyes ; unmistakably hinting at some serious issue.

Hoping whatever it may be, she will settle down soon, I plunged back into the jungle of code and was engrossed for at least an hour, since getting back to my cubicle. Suddenly, I noticed that she was hurrying towards the washroom direction and feeling something is not right, I felt an urge to go talk to her somehow.

Quickly, I completed my status email to my manager and rushed in her direction. I found her in the washroom washing her face frantically, and to her surprise, I went and softly touched her shoulder. When she turned back trying hard to put a false smile without any purpose, I directly enquired if anything is wrong; half hoping that she would not deny that, leaving no room for my provoking further. After a little pause, to my surprise she all of a sudden broke out sobbing hard and I hugged her to calm her shivering self. I was just repeating to her that everything will be fine and not to worry and be strong. When she seemed to be settling down, I asked her to wash face again, and with no words exchanged, we took a little stroll outside the office premises, with my hand firmly gripping hers. When returned, she seemed to look better than before and gave me that innocent smile that I wanted to see again on her face. I just patted her and returned back to my seat, feeling better myself.

It was when I was about to leave the office, wrapping up the pending works, that I noticed an unread mail without any subject line in my inbox, from Geetha. I quickly clicked the mail open and this is how it read.

"Hi,

If not for the silent moments spent with you, you may have not seen me in this world again. In front of the agony I was passing through, life seemed to have lost its gleam for a while.

You gave me strength, when I most needed that. Holding your hands, I literally stepped out of the darkness around me.

Thank you for being my light.

Geetha "

I sat trembling with popped out eyes, trying to digest what she was hinting at. Tears trickled down and I felt a sense of peace filling within.

A sudden jolt and I sat upright, sweating profusely. As reality started sinking in, the sense of peace I was feeling a moment earlier was completely replaced with a choking heaviness in heart.

I wish, what I just saw was true… I wish, I had known that she was under some terrible stress and had really taken the walk with her… I wish, she had got strength from someone… I wish, she could open up with someone close… I wish, she had thought about her dear family and parents who loved her dearly… I wish, she had not quit …

I wish, I was not on my way to the Hospital with her teammates now, to bid final Good Bye to her mortal self.

I wish…. I wish….

Written on - 26 October, 2015

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This short story is close to my heart for two reasons. One being the fact that this story is inspired from a real incident that happened to my old teammate Geetha who was found dead in a railway track, where she had no evident reason to go. No one knows still, what really happened to her and why. And my mind used to spin so many possibilities within my mind, to reason it out. 

Years later, when we organized a Short Story Contest as part of our account's Impromptu Club; I strongly felt like writing about her. 

I dedicate the First prize that I won for this short-story to Geetha and pray for her soul to rest in peace.

What Next?

Most likely I know her! But without being sure if I approach her, I could be misunderstood for playing a trick as well. It’s been almost 8 years since I last saw her – on our final day at school. So, this familiarity I am strongly feeling could even be misleading. After all it’s said that there are around 9 look alike in this entire world for any person.

But what if it is really ‘her’, what if God has brought ‘her’ in front of me for a reason, what if God has finally decided to pay back my lost happiness… As though fed me with Boost, these thoughts gave me a push not to think too much and just go ahead boldly and talk to her. She was sitting in the very next compartment, facing opposite to me in the side lower berth. Being a long weekend, the train was unusually packed today. And approaching her for confirming my doubt could mean that my seat will be attacked and occupied by the enemy intruders (standing) the very next moment. But at this moment, even standing all the way down until my station for 6 hours seemed a simple thing in front of the ‘greater calling’!

Muttering a silent prayer, I got up from my seat and had taken half a step forward that a pompous heavily built person noticed his opportunity to put to rest his lavishly fed body. But in a hurry when he fitted himself within the seat, my comparatively tiny self  had an unfortunate strike against him and was almost thrown out of balance. In the attempt to find a hold and balance myself – I took a big leap on top of the suitcases spread in front aiming my hand to get a hold of the bar in front.  As if God was in his naughty best, as a result of few more merciless pushes I got from the bystanders (as though they wanted to either spit their fury of missing the seat I left unoccupied or to avoid my falling on top of them) alas – I ended up toppling above ‘her’. When I quickly got myself up and gathered courage to look at her, my heart missed a beat seeing the fury in her eyes. Strangely enough, I heard a loud laughter echoing from somewhere distant – as if God was having a gala time making me look like a fool in front of ‘her’. To show my protest, I looked towards the ceiling with burning eyes, when I heard a familiar voice saying – ‘ Don’t you have the minimum manners to even say a SORRY?’ And at that very instant I got the very answer I was seeking for – few moments ago. It was indeed ‘her’…the same very sharp and mature voice, with the element of boldness that is not common among all girls. And this realization almost brought a slight smile to my face – instead of what she was expecting from me. And quite expectedly, I got the next missile attack straight on my head – ‘Shameless guy! How dare you smile at me like this when you should be feeling sorry for what you did? If you intentionally fell on top of me, I will teach you a lesson, you idiot!’ Wiping off the untimely smile, I fumbled a quick SORRY and looked away from her as I could not bear the intensity of her fury and looks.

Within my mind, I had a quick conversation with God scolding him for creating this stupid situation along with what looked like a blessing. ‘Was this really necessary for you? I cancel your ‘Palpayasam’ (Rice Kheer) offering planned during this weekend’s temple visit’! With that, I felt as though the distant laughter also stopped ringing within my ears.

Having settled scores with Him, I came back to my senses and started contemplating on what to do next. Knowing her, I dinn dare to start a conversation immediately. I knew that if I even looked at her again, she was very much capable of pouncing at me with her furious looks – scolding!

In the midst of the confusion about my next action plan, I involuntarily drifted to those old times. It all seem like happened just yesterday!  It was in my Class XI that she had joined us. My otherwise forgetful brain however seems to have captured eternally each and every moment of that day – leaving no small details.

Our Physics teacher – with the reputation of being the synonym of ‘Strictness’ had begun his class and as though none dared to provoke his fury, were sitting with pin-drop silence – pretending to be grasping each and every word falling out of his mouth! He was busy drawing some complicated Vector diagram on the green-board, when suddenly few loud knocks were heard at the door. Since he has a habit of shutting off our connection with the outside world before starting with his classes, we were unable to find out who was giving these impatient knocks. Clearly irritated, Sir shouted from inside – ‘COME IN!!’ The whole class had got a sudden spur of energy as though watching the climax of some suspense thriller movie. After all, not every day do we get such entertainment in between this monotonously boring class.  

All eyes were glued to the door, when the door was opened with a quick push. And there stood a girl with an unusual charm and a sternness that clearly gave the message that she is not to be messed with! Distracting my gaze fixed on her, Sir let his fury known by calling out – ‘WHAT DO YOU WANT?’ Her eyes suddenly bulged out as if in surprise at his rudeness. But to everyone’s surprise, with unshaken voice she answered him in a sharp tone – ‘My name is Lavanya and am joining this class from today’. Hearing this, a gush of whispers sprouted from the class. Throwing a stern glance at the class, Sir asked her to take her seat. She took the side seat in the second row and quickly got settled. I could feel that most of class – except the first row, was facing towards the board with the eyes sneaking in her direction!

‘MOVE ASIDE’, a loud command was heard from just behind and I came back to present. The train was slowing down to stop at the nearby station and a big family lined up with their entire luggage to get down, was being blocked by my lost self. I quickly gave way and in between from the corner of my eyes, tried to figure out what Lavanya was doing then. I was literally petrified since she was nowhere seen. Was she also getting down in this station? Maybe she took the other side to get down. In a hurry, I walked towards the other exit pushing away all the blocking crowds. All the irritated mutterings and pushes were totally ignored and forgiven, in the aim of spotting her again.

….. To be continued

 NOTE: This short story was written on 2012/08/20, but still it is unfinished. :) When I find the rare combination of free time n mood, will definitely be sitting to write the climax of the story!

Conversation with Self!

It is easy to ask to change.
But live through my life for one day,
To know how it feels like 'Being the Change'!

Being true to your self,
Might be a sin, for the world.
But when the clarity strikes,
Not being so will only make you wonder,
What you are doing to your self!

The calling is so strong,
That ignoring is impossible, even if attempted to.
The very meaning of existence,
Is no silly reason to feel drawn,
With a mind turned focused, and intentions strong!

All the dots that have met,
And the ones that look stranded,
Perhaps were meant to be,as they are now.
Only struggle is in doing justice,
To what is thought as  conventionally right,
Even when the mind strays, and rushes to the target!

Label me as wrong,
Hate me to the core,
However, what really matters is,
The actualization of self.
No wonder the suffocation mounts,
When we are constantly pulled down,
To lead the life of an uninspired self.
One who has tasted the bliss of your true self,
Will fail to return from the state,
Where there is peace-galore!

Life is not about the scripted rules.
Whoever tries to jump over this boundary,
Are not to be considered fools.
When the calling is very much from the heart,
Being forced to ignore it, will only rip your soul apart.
Whatever follows, is only a test of your grit and chivalry!

Not even a leaf moves,
Without God's will.
Perhaps you gain your strength as well from Him,
To be able to traverse this tempestuous journey with a strong will!


Written on January 1, 2017

The Precious Final Moments with U!

Searching through the unknown,
Are my moist eyes, for a glimpse of yours!
A gush of wind when blown,
To caress me, with its soft touch,
I wonder if that as well is an act of yours!

Every silent moment I get to spend with,
Drifts my mind, taking a journey back into those times,
When I was living through your love,
Realizing little, the true value of those times.
Now that you faded into unknown realms,
I yearn to see you at least in my dreams!

Even while my eyes widened with shock,
Seeing your half paralyzed self,
With swollen and closed eyes,
I tried to be brave ma, and also full of hope;
That like always, you would get better,
And soon will be with me, in our own sweet little world!

Even when you were crying out of pain,
I tried sounding like a sage,
Trying to fill you with hope, with consoling words!

In the midst of all the agony,
When you still seeked my baby-belly,
My heart was torn apart ma, with a sharp pain.
I still tried to look neutral, as I took,
Your weak arm to feel it,
I can still feel your touch, when you had stroked it so lovingly,
As though imparting your blessings,
To that little life, you were so eagerly waiting to see!

I still can't believe that those -
Were my final moments with you in your senses.
For next when I had seen you,
You had drifted into that silent world,
From where, you could never return!

On your way to that dreadful ICU,
While I was kissing you -
I was fighting my fears, ma -
Afraid to lose you, to the merciless hands of fate!

Those brief moments I got to visit you again at the bedside,
While I was blabbering my heart out, in your ears,
I did spot a tear rolling down from your right eye.
Did you really hear me, ma?
Was that indeed a tear, shed out of helplessness,
Triggered by your subconscious mind - that was registering my words?

How I had longed to see at least a blink,
Of that weak, but beautiful brown eyes,
But all I could see was, just your motionless body,
Befitted with all sorts of machines.
Only sign of life being, those heavy labored breaths you were taking,
As though fighting a battle, to grab your life back!

With a numb mind, when I visited you the last time;
Little did I know, that you were soon going -
To succumb to the cruel hands of death!

As though you wished to see me - one last time,
You held on to your loosening grip on life, until I returned to your bedside the final time!
For soon after, Papa had come bewildered,
With the news that you have started sinking away!

We knew you were soon going to leave us,
Into that world so unknown -
And amidst the gasps, cries and advises pouring in;
I sat paralyzed, with all the held back tears, finally rolling down!!!!

Written on: Nov 21, 2012

A 'No Title' more of Scribbling than a Poem...

All the castles we built,
All the dreams we shared,
About a future so bright,
With the loved ones we cared.

Its all lost, now that you are gone,
Into a world that is so unknown!

Howsoever I make my make my heart understand,
The intense pain, am hardly able to withstand!

Written on: Nov 1, 2012
This was the day my mother was supposed to take her Voluntary Retirement from her service as a teacher, that she was pushing forth in spite of all the pain she was fighting inside. She had been waiting eagerly for this day to complete her service years and then rest at home, wherein her granddaughter was soon set to arrive. But God had different plans for her..

Waking out of Hibernation..

Since my very last post, life has been kind of acting quite strange to me...Loss of dear ones one after another...Birth of our little princess...Hectic schedules at work...managing work and challenging situations at home...everything literally had been keeping me away from my dearest blog..

I should thank few of my friends, who kept reminding and encouraging to strike back...and here I am, finally sitting with my lap ON, to post something meaningful...

I should admit that it does help to write our heart out...when we are emotionally a mess...the same words can actually help us come overcome any prevailing heaviness, when we read those lines again..

Today, I was going through my little diary through which I used to converse with my mother for few months, after she left this world...In between those daily entries, I happened to see many short verses I had jotted down and long forgotten...May be I should start back with those very lines today...

Ball Point Sketch - Ocean View

A weekend well utilized! :)

Am glad I finally sat down patiently to "create" something after so long! 

Little differently than usual, this time what accompanied my venture was a "ball point pen".. ;)

Looking at the plain white sheet, myriad images had flashed through my mind - to try and sketch...

However, it was finally the "ocean" that triggered my mood...

Unlike the "look and draw" attempts I usually do, 

this time ventured to explore and sketch an image totally out of imagination...

And I must say, the satisfaction we get to "create something out of the blue" is truly immense!

If I have to share my own opinion about the sketch,
I feel that if the man holding the umbrella had been omitted, the pic would have given a stronger appeal...:)
The man seems to have added a cartoon feel to the picture..:)
esp. with the umbrella that went little out of proportion...
Mainly since I dinn rely on an initial pencil sketch to go about this one...
and had straight away started  with the ball point pen...

However, I really enjoyed creating all those lovely waves in the ocean as well as the boulders 'n rocks...

Looking forward to know your opinions and suggestions...!!!

Fused bulb - Beautified!! ;)

A milky white fused bulb - that inspired my imagination!! :)

A Flower Vase - so full of Colors!!

This glass painting of a Flower vase is one of my favourites...

The reason being - the better finishing and an almost successful attempt at blending different color shades...

Though there is one thing that I feel sorry to have not included in this painting...

Can you make a guess, as to what that could be???  :)

Don't you think that adding few more leaves along the 2 flowers kept atop -

could have made this painting more complete??? :) 

If this was not framed, I would have definitely looked forward to add them as well!! 

The mighty Dinosaurs can also be "cute"... :)

Again, a school time creation...

The inspiration behind the cute Dinosaur is the "Denver - The Last Dinosaur" cartoon series..

that used to be enjoyed at times, during those days...:)